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Women's Lifestyle Magazine

You Can Teach Others How To Treat You

Sep 01, 2012 05:55PM ● By WLMagazine

Kim Carson Bio

Do you remember the old adage, that Golden Rule, “Treat others the way that you would like to be treated?” I guess that could be described as a reciprocal relationship based on mutual respect. The concept goes as far back as biblical times, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” In Judaism, the Torah speaks of a Great Commandment that instructs people to, “Love your neighbor as yourself.” For Buddhists, it takes many forms in the Tripitaka, one of those verses reads, “Hurt not others in ways that you yourself would find hurtful.” Whatever the religion or form of spirituality you follow, it appears to have been a theme for thousands of years.

So what if someone’s understanding of acceptable treatment differs from your own? What if your values are not shared with another person? Can you continue to live out your life based on the Golden Rule? If you do, you may find that the way your neighbor wants to be treated may differ greatly from the way that you expect to be treated.

I believe we share a great deal of the responsibility for the way that we are being treated by others. Maybe a better way for me to say that is, I believe we show people how to treat us everyday by accepting or rejecting their treatment.

So maybe a better question to ask yourself is, “Do you treat yourself the way that you want others to treat you?”

I believe you just need to teach people how to treat you. Often times you teach them passively, when you do not address unacceptable behavior. Other times you teach them actively, when you call them on it, calmly but verbally. Should you decide to address the behavior, you need to know that the change in you, could trigger a change or consequence in return. For me, the alternative of my pent up resentment is unacceptable.

In my experience, when addressing someone about their behavior, well, it can be uncomfortable. You might receive two different reactions and both are very telling. There is the type of personality who feels stronger and smarter by making others feel weaker and less intelligent. When you attempt to teach this person, how you want and expect to be treated, often times they lash out. This personality understands exactly what they are doing, they defend it, they protect it and they don’t plan on changing it. That’s who they are. Those relationships are difficult to salvage because you and your feelings are not important enough for them to adjust their behavior or their words or actions.

Then there is the other type of personality, the one who has no idea that any of their behaviors bother you at all. That’s who they are. Honestly, it is unfair for you to expect someone to know they hurt you if you have not stated it calmly and clearly. The good news is, with that type of person you still have hope. Many times they are willing to learn, because in their eyes you and your relationship with them are worth working through. Talking things out with someone should never become a blame game. But you do need to take responsibility for your part in it, and your part in it was accepting the behavior in the first place.

There is never any reason to complain about the way someone treats you once you understand you taught them to treat you that way.

It’s never too late for you to change and grow. There is never any reason to complain about the way someone treats you once you understand you taught them to treat you that way. Remember this, whatever you accept, will be repeated, and without respect and understanding in a relationship, you have nothing. With growth, not everyone can be a part of your life forever. God never takes something away without replacing it with something better. It reminds me of something Wynonna Judd of The Judds, said to me, “Some people come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.” Make time and enjoy the journey.

Photograph of Kim CarsonABOUT THE AUTHOR: Kim Carson is an author and television/radio/internet personality. You can keep up with all of her adventures at and on facebook at